Why “Doing Enough” is a Lie and What to Focus on Instead
You’re Not Enough… (And That’s a Good Thing)
There are two quotes about rent and existence that have stuck with me over the years:
“Pretty is not the rent you pay for existing as a woman (or femme person).”
“Activism is the rent we pay to live on Planet Earth.”
I wish I knew who said them. But I know how they live in my body.
The first quote helped me reject individualistic, impossible beauty standards—the ones designed to be unattainable. The second is more complicated. It speaks to responsibility, to community, to the land we all exist on. But it also touches a sensitive part of me: the deep desire to be doing my part, to be doing enough.
I’m not just here to tell you that you are doing enough (though, let’s be honest—we are all doing too much and not enough in several directions at once). I want to throw the whole concept of “enoughness” out the window and invite us to do some imagining about how we connect to our selfness, our community, our spirits.
Where Did You Learn to Measure Worth This Way?
If you’re anything like me, you probably love a good to-do list—especially the thrill of checking something off. But you might also crave novelty, and feel restless when your day is too structured. These are the two wolves (or the two genders) and they are, in fact, at war inside you.
We talk so much about “not doing enough” that the phrase loses meaning. But what do we really mean when we say it?
Ending the day feeling stressed and vaguely unsatisfied
Feeling like your goals are four spiky walls closing in around you
Guilt sitting in your stomach anytime you’re reminded of collective suffering
Being disappointed with how “unproductive” your hobbies were today
Turning everything, even joy, into a checklist
These aren’t just random anxieties. They’re signs of how we’ve learned to equate doing with being worthy.
And lets name some of the places this can come from (especially if you’re on my caseload):
Religious trauma: Especially if you were taught to save the world, suppress your “sinful” thoughts, or earn love through purity and sacrifice. You probably existed in the paradox of Jesus’s endless love and forgiveness and your endless need to be forgiven.
Neurodivergence & AFAB/femme socialization: Feeling like your internal rhythm was always “wrong” in a world that demanded quantifiable success and external compliance. Being quiet when your feelings are loud. Being still when you wanted nothing more than to move.
Cultural conditioning: Even if none of the above apply, you exist in a system that values moral performance over human connection. Yuck.
When Activism Becomes Another Vitamin You Forgot to Take
When we’re disconnected from ourselves, our creativity, or our community, activism becomes a vague item on the to-do list. Something we know is important, but we may have no idea how to do it and when we are doing it, we probably feel like we could never do enough of it.
Even as a therapist, I fall into the trap of thinking, “Let’s match your skills to an organization!” But let’s be real—nonprofits are caught in these same systems, too.
I’ve learned that we can’t start from skill-matching. We need to start from connection. From intuition. From what makes us feel alive. We need to ask slower questions that have fewer answers.
What if activism could emerge naturally from the relationships and places we actually care about?
What if helping your neighbors counted?
You’re a Human Being, Not a Human Doing
Yes, it’s a cliché. But probably for a reason.
What might activism look like if it sprang from your being? From the floaty, post-nap dreamspace of your imagination?
Check out @thenapministry if you haven’t already. Rest is not the opposite of action—it’s the fuel for sustainable engagement. If slowing down gave you more access to love, to creativity, to interdependence… what might emerge from that?
Maybe instead of trying to use your one free hour a week to save the world, you start tending to the relationships that keep you grounded in it.
We Are Qualitative Creatures in a Quantitative System
Let me out myself: I adore data. Mood tracking? Project pan? Habit charts? Elaborate routines? Sign me up.
But you know what’s not going on my tombstone?
“Here lies Fitz: they experienced euthymic mood 70% of the time.”
Not follower counts. Not blog views. Not productivity stats.
Every time I try to box myself into measurable “success,” my soul rebels. The paint of my life leaks beyond the lines. My intuition whispers: go outside. Text a friend. Be a creature, not a system.
We live in a data-driven culture—but we are not data. We are soft, narrative, contradictory wandering things. And that’s beautiful.
So What Can You Focus on Instead?
Okay, let’s get practical. I can talk about my emotional theories and wax poetic all day but there’s concrete directions you can take if you’re stuck.
Here are some ideas for shifting out of the “am I doing enough?” spiral and into something gentler, truer:
Try a to-done list. Write down what you actually did today—chores, meals, body care, emails, everything. Look at what you held.
Customize your affirmations. Instead of “I am enough,” try “I am made of sensation and color.” Or “I offered connection today.” Or “Rest fueled me.”
Try journaling prompts like:
What made me feel alive this week?
When did I feel connected?
What did I let go of—and how did that feel?
And if you’re trying to rewire all of this in a nervous-system-friendly way? I’m here. My therapy practice is open.
